


Love Story (Reversed)

by valHamham



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Breakup, M/M, also mild mention of the apprentice's death, female apprentice died in the lazaret, it's sad I'm sorry, this is how asra and julian fell out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valHamham/pseuds/valHamham
Summary: Inspired by the song "Love Story" by Indila. A sad little look into the story of Asra and Julian; a one-sided love and the consequences of chasing too hard.
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak
Kudos: 19





	Love Story (Reversed)

Love Story

A suffering soul, searching for the right words to say. No matter how hard he tries. It’s like he’s half alive, half present because no matter how many times he parts his lips, no sound comes out. 

“Asra… please, just listen.”

He often wonders if he’s mad. Has he gone mad? It’s hard to tell. No, he’s not mad, he’s not crazy ––just a little desperate–– yet he still believes in this dead romance he wishes to pursue. A rose in hand, but he knows it’s no use. He could stand there, quiet and still, waiting for an answer, and turn into a sad statue of a man who kept waiting, waiting, waiting for an answer. 

“Just give me a chance to talk.”

It feels like talking to a wall. He expects nothing, nothing but his purple eyes to meet his grey ones. The air feels heavy around them ––nothing makes sense anymore–– and the silence is so thick you could cut it with a knife. No matter how much he begs, the other simply won’t turn. A one-sided conversation full of pain and remorse. Of love and desperation. He loves him, he loves him, damn it! And he waits, he waits for that answer, any sign of life, any sign of love. Nothing will hold him back now.

“What did you expect me to do?! I couldn’t do anything. My hands were tied! I didn’t even know how much this would matter to you… I… I never meant to hurt you, Asra. Please believe me. I thought, I thought what we had––”

He sees him everywhere. He is not mad, he just lives trapped in his love story. 

“What we had? What we had?! We didn’t ‘have’, Ilya, I told you a thousand times!”

Those words don’t make any sense. No, that just can’t be right. There had to be something, right? If not, then what about all the times he held his hand? The times they’d lay, next to each other, dreaming for a better future, for a cure?

“Wh–– well I––”

He didn’t know how to express himself anymore, he was far too deep down.

“I just don’t understand. We kissed. You kissed me! You held me, I gave myself to you and––”

“And it was my mistake to kiss back… I told you once. Then again, and again… No matter how much I try, I can’t give you what you want, Ilya. I can’t. I tried to give in, but you know it as well as I do. My heart is already set in a goal, and it’s far from you, in a place where I can’t follow… and that’s your fault too.”

The rose crumbles in his hand, petals simulating his shattered heart as they gently kiss the floor in a slow fall.   
“My fault?”

“She was your assistant! She wanted to help people, she wanted to help you, and you didn’t even bat an eye when she was dying!”

“Well, where the hell were you when she was dying?! Don’t you know she cried every night since you disappeared?! How is it all my fault, when you abandoned her in the first place!”

“She was dying in front of you and you couldn’t see past your own ambitions.”

“You’re ignoring my question!”

Exasperation fills the room. The other is too tired to continue. He tries to leave, but no, he is far too broken, far too deep to lose him now. He reaches for him, gloved hand meeting his naked skin.

“Asra, wait, please.”

He pulls him into a hug, and is met by resistance. But he won’t let go. Not again.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know I messed up. I know I’m a mess, and I don’t deserve forgiveness for letting her die. I know. But please understand. Even if I had noticed, I wouldn’t be able to save her. Please, Asra. Look at me. Look–– just hold my hand, yeah? Hold my hand. Tell me it will be alright. Like when we worked at the library. Your ominous and weird magical comments.”

No response.

“Please. I don’t want to lose you too, I–– please, I didn’t want any of this. If I could I’d bring her back just for you. I’d give anything. I’ve been so stupid–– stop, stop, stop resisting, just listen to me! You don’t know how much I regret this all, but I don’t regret you. I don’t care what happens next I just–– want you to be next to me to face whatever comes.”

No response.

“I’ll find a cure. I’ll cure everyone! I swear! I’ll do it for you. You’re the light in my path, the candle of my late nights, the spark of passion–– with you I could build an empire!”

Purple eyes meet grey ones.

“Ilya, stop it.”

“Asra?”

“I don’t want anything with you. Not anymore. I was already so confused… but now knowing that she ended up in the Lazaret because of you… I don’t think I could ever give you what you seek from me. Not then, not now. Not anymore.”

Tired arms give in to the depressing words of truth, letting go. He can’t believe it, he still believes in the love story, so this all sounds like a bold lie to him. He can’t believe it yet. 

“Why won’t you give me a chance?”

“I never wanted this in the first place.”

All the passionate nights. All the escapades. The kisses, the touches–– they all felt like a faraway dream now, and he so desperately reaches for them still. Did he just misunderstand everything? Did he read the other’s signals all wrong? Was he the only one heads over heels, was the connection never strong?

No matter how many times his shouts are ignored, he still fights, he fights for his love. He wants to feel it, the reciprocity, and he fights for it every day. He feels stupid, he knows he has messed up, and still no matter what it takes he wants to make it right. He has lost himself to those purple eyes. He does not know how to love anymore––not if it’s not with him. He will offer his very last breath if it only means he gets to be with him. 

“... what did I do wrong?”

Tears flow through his eyes. Such a fool to have fallen so low, yet he can’t rise. 

"Please let me go, Ilya."

"NO! I... I love you, god damn it-! What do I have to do to get you to love me back?!"

A blur of emotions takes over him.   
Will he finally accept it's all over for them?

“Just let it go, Ilya. It wasn’t going to work. Stop pretending like we were living in a love story. Life goes on.”


End file.
